Helping Homeschool Kids Become Independent

How to do it, and why you may not want to

(The quintessential stack of homeschool read-alouds. These are about half of the books we went through this year.)

How can I help my kids learn to work more independently?

I’ve heard that question so many times, in conference talks, online forums, from friends, and from my own lips. Developing independent learners is something homeschool moms, especially moms of multiple kids, think about a lot.

I remember many days, collapsing into bed exhausted after being pulled in multiple directions all day, and wondering how long I could keep doing this. Helping my kids learn to work more independently became a crucial concern, like it would be the life or death of our homeschool. Now, as my oldest prepares to enter high school, I’ve seen him grow leaps and bounds in working independently, and I’ve learned a few things about helping kids be more independent. I’m sharing practical suggestions and a little straight talk.

1. Don’t push for independence too early.

When my kids were still in elementary school, in a desperate bid to find something my kids could start to do without me, I gave my older kids a workbook for language arts. When I had to be busy with another child, I would ask them to pull these workbooks out for some independent work.

At first the year seemed to go along swimmingly, but eventually I realized that while my kids were progressing to the next lesson each week, they still could not tell me the parts of speech. When we had a minor existential crisis over writing a poem, I realized that what I thought was independent work was really just busy work. In order for my kids to really learn what the workbooks were trying to teach them, I would need to sit down and go over everything with them step-by-step.

On top of that, I had wasted valuable learning time during that homeschool year when a little more effort from me up front would have set a stronger foundation. My kids were not ready to be independent, and that was normal, and I had to learn to accept it.

I think a mistake that we often make is pushing our kids to be independent in their school work too early. Some kids are naturally more independent and make homeschooling look so simple, but we need to be careful of even putting those kids into the “independent” category too quickly. Our kids may appear to be making progress, but if we never sit down and watch them do their work, we can’t really know if they are learning something, or if they are just pushing ahead in the book even when they don’t quite understand a concept. It’s our job as the homeschool mom to help them actually learn, not just get through a workbook. In the younger grades, kids need a strong foundation of understanding, through a lot of help from mom, so hopefully they can be solidly and truly independent in the older grades.

2. Start with checklists.

Once your child is at an age where they can reliably manage their own work - this usually comes in stages, so probably just one or two subjects at first - consider helping them stay on track with daily checklists.

Before I developed our checklist system, I’d often be working with one child, and another would interrupt to ask what they should do next. “I don’t know, go start on your next subject,” ended up being my vague default response - and my poor child, who still didn’t know what to do, would end up deeply invested in a lego game with a younger sibling instead of accomplishing anything.

Eventually I realized that we needed to break out of that habit, and one summer I created a document with a weekly checklist for each child, with all their subjects broken up into days. It looked something like this:

Monday:

-Math lesson -Grammar book -Copywork -Writing video (with sibling) -Read history

Tuesday:

-Math lesson -Grammar book -Copywork -Write outline for paper -Read science lesson

Wednesday:

-Math lesson -Latin -Copywork -Write first draft -Read history -Work on Awana book

Thursday:

-Math lesson -Latin -Copywork -Finish paper -Read science

Friday:

-Math lesson -Art lesson -Copywork -Type up paper -Science experiment with mom

That’s a very simplified example, but you get the idea. I have checkboxes next to each task, and once the checklist are finished, my kids know they are done for the day. I think it is motivating for them to see how much is left and to know they are making progress. It helps prevent wasted time since they always know what else they can work on by themselves (I will sometimes highlight their independent subjects a different color from the ones they need my help with). I even print these checklists for my little girls, but I am the one who manages the checklists for them, since they still need my help for nearly everything. The checklists keep me on track too.

3. Map out the year.

You can’t expect to just hand a child a homeschool curriculum and have them proceed without any help or direction from you.

A couple years ago, as my son entered middle school, I started having an “orientation day” with him toward the end of summer. We sit down with his school books and a calendar, and I show him how many lessons are in each book, how many days we have in the school year, and how many lessons he would have to finish each week to stay on track. I sometimes even write up syllabi and expectations for each homeschool subject - which is helpful, but you don’t necessarily need to go that far.

What I am trying to accomplish with our orientation days is teaching my child how to look ahead at the whole year, and provide checkmarks for them to be able to easily see that they are staying on track. It’s really teaching them how to plan by holding their hand through the process. Some kids may catch on quickly, and for most kids you’ll have to repeat this process every year until they can naturally take it on themselves. I think middle school is the best time to start this - remember, not expecting too much too early, but hopefully helping them learn more planning skills before they reach high school.

4. Remember that independence does not mean mom can be hands-off.

Another mistake I see in homeschool circles (and that I have made myself) is the tendency to become a little slack on checking up on your child once they have reached a certain level of independence. This is how you reach Christmas break and take a peek inside your child’s Latin workbook only to realize they are two months behind (ask me how I know).

Even if your child is on the correct lesson number, remember that it’s still your job as a homeschool mom to make sure the understanding of the subject is there. You should frequently ask your more independent child about what their science book is covering right now, take a peek into their workbooks often, make sure you are grading their papers and tests so you can help shore up any areas where they are struggling. Be ready to answer questions, edit their papers together so they can learn how to improve their writing, and expect to have to research the answers to confusing math questions.

If you find yourself never doing any of these things, I’d encourage you to check yourself. Are you too busy with your own projects or outside commitments to make sure your kids are progressing as they should? Are you spending too much time on your phone, and not enough time enriching your child’s homeschool experience by actually talking with them about what they’re learning?

The truth of the matter is, there really is no point when a homeschool mom can just lean back and rest on her laurels, until her kids are graduated - maybe not even then. Homeschool students are always going to need help, direction, tips, discussions, and check-ins with mom. These things aren’t a chore, but an opportunity to pour into and connect with our kids through their education. Don’t wish those tasks away - don’t push your kids too much to not need you. They do need you, you are their best and only teacher, and being there for them is the beautiful thing about homeschooling.

If you are a homeschool mom, I’d love to hear any more tips or encouragement you have on this subject! Comment below.